THE PAIN OF THESE HURTS CAN VIRTUALLY PARALYZE MY WILL:
Waking up on the day after my breakup can be a rather grim affair. Emerging from the hiding place of my slumbers to the unhappy recollection that a large part of my life is now gone. It’s the first day of “mourning after” a loss.
Take that first moment of mourning to reflect on the fundamental truth. Anyone who doesn’t have the good sense to recognize what you have to offer doesn’t deserve your time. Anyone who missed that point hasn’t fully enjoyed the offering of your love.
This hurts. The pain of that hurts can virtually paralyze your will. But hard as it might seem to understand at this moment, your pain is not like dying at all. It’s the sign that you are, in fact, being born, healing from a very deep wound. With the right will, you destined to grow stronger and more vital than ever before.
And if you’re willing to be patient and active as you heal over time, you’ll eventually discover that depression and inertia are bad choices people make to avoid their core issues. These choices express weakness, fear, and anger instead of actively expressing healing, love, and hope.
Focus your energies on giving yourself credit for every step of your healing. Of course, at the beginning of your path out of pain, there’s anguish. Your former lover’s name and essence may constantly intrude into your consciousness. Over time, the name will fade as the wisdom of the lessons you’ve learned takes over. That’s when joy and laughter will be your payback, the interest you’ve earned on your investment in thoughtful reflections on your feelings of intense sadness.
Whatever you choose for your life, a deeper understanding of what you’re now going through will give you more self-reliance, strength, and genuine joy in the future. A breakup can teach us so much about our goodness and value if we’ll only take the time to think about the meaning and purpose of pain.
On the other hand, you maybe okay for the moment. You may even feel a sense go liberation. But most people also feel a sense of loss and a fear of loneliness. And they can certainly feel like they’re mourning the death of a loved one. No matter what you feel, once again, remember that you’re involved in a self-renewal that disguised as grieving. But to achieve renewal, you must understand how it differs from the grieving process.
THERE IS A HURT THAT CANNOT BE DENIED BUT IT DOES NOT FOLLOW THE GENERAL COURSE OF GRIEF.
In breakups, we often jump from shock to anger and then linger in confusion for ages. Mix in a little denial and—-well, we don’t want to know about it. It’s like a scary movie. We’re there but we don’t want to look at the ugly parts.
If you like to pretend that the pain doesn’t exist, you get yourself into the same jam all over again—similar love, similar dynamics, and similar heartache at the end.
It doesn’t have to be that way, but the problem is that you don’t want to look at your pain any more than you have to. It’s easier to see yourself as an innocent victim (” If only my ex wasn’t so inflexible,”etc.). You don’t want the additional burden of having to feel responsible for mistakes you may have made, or sins you feel you’ve committed. that kind of honesty just hurts too much when you’re in this vulnerable state.
But if you don’t make an effort to understand what you’re feeling, your own core truth, the pain is just going to linger. why not face it now? Do it now, over the course of the next thirty days, in an intelligent and self-supported fashion. Our contention is that if you’re willing to come to terms with your own true self within this time frame, you won’t have to remain trapped in the dark stages for very long.
MOURNING CAN TOO EASILY DEVOLVE FROM BEING A HEALTHY TRANSITIONAL PASSAGE INTO AN INESCAPABLE TRAP THAT PREVENT RELATIONAL PROGRESS.
I hope this will guide you, and going to help you get free of this trap. You have many days to evolve out of these darker feelings. The only goal for today is to have you take a glimpse at the things you’re feeling at the moment, and to allow those feelings to happen, no matter what they may be.
If you feel the need to laugh, scream, cry, or even curl up in a ball, do so. This is a day of gentle observation, and self-expression. Whatever to do, don’t bottle up all your true feelings. just let them come out and observe them, as they were someone else’s.
THE ONLY RULE IS: don’t waste your time blaming yourself. Breakups happen all the time no matter who we are, or what we do. And if you’re willing to stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and look at the signals you got over time, and accept the possibility that it really was time to say goodbye, you can begin to heal. Honesty carries guts of great opportunity beckoning form our future. Feel these winds, breathe them in deeply, deal with the truth, and move on.
Emotions are often disclosed by a specific physical feelings that accompanies them. For example, a feeling of longing can be given away by our gut, while a feeling of abandonment or broken-heartedness can actually feel like a hole in our upper chest. An emotion of self-blame or fear can feel like paralysis.
In reviewing the past, remember that relationship are often like mirrors; our mates often reflect back both our attributes and our faults.
PAUSE FOR REFLECTION
WHERE ARE YOU?
Stop for a moment. Take a relaxing, cleansing breath. Now, find a mirror and look at yourself. Deeply look into your own eyes. What are you feeling at this moment? Does your face reflect those feelings? What else does your expression show about you? What emotions can you read down deep in your eyes? What do you feel in your gut? What do you feel in your heart? Remember these feelings. But don’t stay mired in them. Be open to sometimes painful but much-needed changes. Change can feel like a wound because, in fact, it exposes the most vulnerable parts of your being.
Look at those feeling, see them, and get to know them. But don’t cling to them. Don’t obsess. Just see them as clearly as you can,as a small rip in your fabric that merely needs to be gently repaired. You’ve had love and supportive compassion for another person, you have God who loves you inside and out; now it’s time to turn that love inward in order to make your own personal repairs.
NOW ASK YOURSELF, IF THERE WAS A WORKABLE AND GROUNDED SYSTEM FOR DOING SO, WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO BREAK FREE OF YOUR IMPRISONING NEGATIVE FEELINGS ONCE AND FOR ALL? OF COURSE YOU WOULD. BUT BEING HUMAN IS THAT WERE OFTEN AFRAID TO LOOK AT OUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS, AND SO THINGS THAT OTHERWISE COULD BE RESOLVED IN NO TIME REMAIN TRAPPED INSIDE. ISN’T IT TIME TO BREAK THAT PATTERN?
It’s time to purge yourself of all of the toxic feelings. You don’t need them anymore. One healthy way is to have a good cry. It’s not just good for an emotional release. As strange as it may seem, the tears that are prompted by your heartfelt feelings of loss actually cleanse your system of toxins and waste.
FEEL LIKE CRYING? GO AHEAD. IT’S GOOD FOR YOU. I CRIED SO MUCH UNTIL THERE WAS NO TEARS ANYMORE. IT HELPS ME GET THROUGH THE HURTS.